Bronson (2009)

I don’t watch a lot of serious films, but I was interested in this biopic of Britain’s most violent inmate. Michael Peterson wanted to make a name for himself, but didn’t know how, until he was sent to prison and decided the lifestyle suited him. He has since spent most of his life being moved from prison to prison, causing trouble, and writing books. Charles Bronson was the tough sounding name that Peterson adopted during his bareknuckle fighting days.

The film is almost a one man play with Tom Hardy (RocknRolla, Star Trek Nemesis), as Bronson, dominating the screen in every scene. It’s a great role for an actor as Hardy is given plenty of screen time and plenty of chances to explore his range. Hardy tackles it with gusto and he is matched by inventive production. The appeal of the story may be limited, but Hardy rocks.

Ramsay

Sherlock Holmes (2009)

Guy Ritchie (Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels) gives Arthur Conan Doyle’s detective a makeover to make him more appealing to the new millennium and, in some ways, return him to his origin.

Robert Downey Jr (Iron Man, Tropic Thunder) is Holmes and he is intelligent, physical, bohemian, and more than a little eccentric. Jude Law (Gattaca, eXistenZ) is his trusted companion, Dr Watson, and Rachel McAdams (Red Eye, Mean Girls) is the object of Holmes’ desire, Irene Adler, and she is more than a match for him in several departments. Mark Strong (Babylon AD, Stardust).
is Lord Blackwood, the scoundrel of the piece, with Professor Moriarty no doubt being saved for future films. There are fights and ludicrous villainy as Downey, and his fake English accent, clashes with the bad guy, the girl, a secret society, and the police.

It’s good to see the Holmes legend reinvigorated, I only wish it had more good lines, a shorter running time, less obvious plotting, and less CGI. A good fight/action scene does not need superfluous effects added to it. It’s another movie where a little more creative individuality and a little less catering to popular taste would have meant a much better product. I thought Ritchie would know better, but maybe having an American producer, Joel Silver (Speed Racer, The Invasion, V For Vendetta), was detrimental.

Princess Of Mars (2009)

It’s taken a long time for Edgar Rice Burroughs’ classic SF adventure tale to make it to the screen, and The Asylum make it there first (albeit unofficially) with their updated interpretation.

Antonio Sabato Jr (Destination Infestation, The Bold And The Beautiful) plays John Carter, a soldier who finds himself on Mars dealing with humanoids, including Traci Lords (Blade, New Wave Hookers) as the Princess of Mars herself, Dejah Thoris, and non-humanoids, including Matt Lasky (Doomsday, InAlienable) as Tars Tarkas. Carter, is captured, interrogated, escapes, fights, and generally kicks Martian butt. Burroughs story has been the inspiration for many other stories over the nearly 100 years since it first appeared, including Conan and Star Wars. You can see elements of both of those in this production, and maybe even a little of Avatar.

I can’t legitimately say Princess Of Mars is great, or even good, but how can you not like the idea and the audacity for making it? It’s lowbrow fun, and it has Traci Lords. It just needed more action.

Modern Movement

Modern Movement is a website for “entertainment and popular culture in review”. It started life as a print publication in Brisbane in nineties, and Mister J and I used to write for it then. We even stayed with it when it went online, but then we disappeared from its glittering pages. Now we are back. According to the website, Mister J is back by popular demand. I’m back because they don’t know any better and I will often watch the movies that noone else will touch.

Please visit them, and us, at www.modmove.com.

New Zealand's Next Top Model

Blade The Complete Series DVD (2006)

Vampires are all the rage at present, but it is a shame that the better shows about them fail, while the less interesting ones thrive. True Blood is the subject of much adulation, although it is little more than Bold and the Beautiful in a swamp. Vampire Diaries seems to have attracted some love as well, but its characters are less scary than the cast of Beverly Hills 90210 before makeup. The Twilight movies have captivated a generation of twi-hards, but the stories show less imagination than the Teletubbies. Blade lasted a measly 13 episodes and, like other interesting vampire shows (eg Being Human and Blood Ties), is mostly ignored.

Blade is a spin-off from the Blade movies (which was a spin off from the comic), with Kirk "Sticky Fingaz" Jones (The Shield) taking over the Wesley Snipes role as the title character. Jones brings a pouting, muscular seriousness to the role and his demeanor is sometimes the object of ridicule for his sidekick, Shen (Nelson Lee – Ring Of Death).

Blade is a daywalker (half human, half vampire) on the same mission as the movie Blade, kill bloodsuckers. The series creates a vampire hierarchy of true blood and turned blood vampires, including Blade’s ally, the newly turned, spunky Krista (Jill Wagner – Wipeout, Stargate Atlantis), the ambitious and evil Marcus (Neil Jackson – Quantum Of Solace, Push) and Marcus’ bitchy assistant/lover/henchwoman, Chase (Jessica Gower – Blurred).

The first couple of episodes (ie the pilot) are a little slow but, once the characters are established, it’s a well scripted, well acted, well paced show loaded with intrigue and surprises and action. My favourite aspects of the show were the moral ambiguity of the characters and Blade’s increasing use of violence. In the later episodes, Blade rips off someone’s jaw and pops out someone’s eye. Great stuff for prime time television.

It’s a pity Blade never lasted more than a season. I still hope they bring him back, maybe in a crossover with some of the weaker vampire shows. Until then, we can still watch Wipeout for a dose of Jill.

Jesse Ventura hosts WWE RAW

World Wrestling Entertainment is currently handing over the reigns of its number one show, RAW, to a array of guest hosts, including Jesse “The Body” Ventura.

Ventura may be the ultimate renaissance man. He came to public attention as “The Body” in his days as a professional wrestler, but he has also been a Navy SEAL, biker, wrestling commentator, actor (Predator, Running Man, Abraxas), writer, politician , tv host, radio broadcaster, social commentator, husband, father, and whatever else I have forgotten. But, amongst all those accomplishments, he will be best known for his outrageous fashion sense and collection of feather boas.

Cthulhu (2007)

I did an interview for Fiend magazine with the writer/director, Dan Gildark, of this movie and it left me with high expectations. Gildark was articulate and sold Lovecraftian aspects of the film well. How depressing it was to finally see Cthulhu. It was an exercise in tedium. How could Gildark take something as good as HP Lovecraft and make something so mind numbingly weak. It is painful to watch it. The scariest thing in the movie is the thought of Tori Spelling wanting to sleep with someone. That is the stuff of nightmares.

Jason Vorhees?

Sand Serpents (2009)

The SyFy channel continue their run on monster movies (Croc, Eye Of The Beast, The Hive, Black Swarm, Hydra, etc) with their take on the War On Terror as Black Hawk Down meets Tremors.

A squad of American soldiers in Afghanistan not only have to fight the local militia, but also giant worms. It sounds like it should be a guns blazing all action affair, but it is dull and bogged down with clichés and bad acting. The worst giant sand worm movie since Dune.

Surfing The Menu

Fast & Furious (aka The Fast And The Furious 4) (2009)

Vin Diesel (Babylon AD, Pitch Black) and Paul Walker (the underrated Running Scared, Timeline) are back, racing cars and fighting bad guys. It’s not completely bad, just bland. Too much CGI, not enough of the spunky Michelle Rodriguez (The Breed, Resident Evil).

Surrogates (2009)

Bruce Willis (Die Hard 4, The Fifth Element, 13 Monkeys) returns to the science fiction genre with this adaptation of a comic book that owes more than a little in style to Bladerunner (and some other SF films).

In the nearish future, people have no need to leave their houses and live their lives through robots they control remotely. The surrogates are better looking, more durable, and can be used and abused without complaint or any physical effect on the person controlling them. That is until people start dieing when their surrogate dies.

Bruce is the FBI agent investigating the deaths with his partner, Rhada Mitchell (Rogue, Pitch Black). Their enquiries lead through a tangled web involving an anti-surrogate campaigner, Ving Rhames (The Tournament, Day Of The Dead), and the creator for the surrogates, James Cromwell (I Robot, W, Spiderman 3, Revenge Of The Nerds). The social and moral issues of people living vicariously through robots provides a background for the story, but more through inference than being a crucial narrative.

Noone does the melancholy cop as good as Bruce and, if you can handle the derivative nature of the story and its implausibilities, he does it well again here.

The Taking Of Pelham 123 (2009)

I like a good thriller. I do not like weakly scripted, poorly directed remakes, like The Taking Of Pelham 123 . Denzel Washington does his “everyman” character and John Travolta does his “mad criminal” character (which are the only characters these two actors have) in a story with no surprises and no excitement.

The best part of the whole film was the premiere where Bai Ling (Gene Generation, Crank High Voltage, Southland Tales), who wasn’t in the movie, looked pretty in pink and Chad Rogers, who was in the film, had a cute date.

Dolan’s Cadillac (2009)

Wes Bentley’s (Ghost Rider) wife, Emmanuelle Vaugier (Painkiller Jane), witnesses a murder as part of Christian Slater’s (Slipstream, Alone In The Dark) people trafficking operation. She is killed and Wes sets about arranging a very elaborate revenge.

This is yet another Stephen King story and focuses more on suspense and then terror rather than horror. Bentley pulls off his plan with 30 minutes of the movie to go, and the remainder of the film is spent in conversation between Bentley and Slater. The build up is interesting, the banter between the two stars is entertaining, and Slater has great time being bad. Dolan’s Cadillac, although not exceptional, is much better than many more convoluted and high profile revenge thrillers. It’s also nice having a story of vengeance that is about clever planning, not just violence (eg Stiletto).