The Scorpion King 2: Rise of a Warrior

This is the prequel to The Scorpion King, which was prequel to The Mummy Returns, which was a sequel to The Mummy. It is also direct to video and lacks the budget to afford an ex-wrestler (eg Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson who was The Scorpion King) and, instead, relies on the UFC to supply someone cheaper as the big bad.

The story follows pretty boy Mathayus (Michael Copon from Power Rangers: Time Force) as he trains and plots to avenge the death of his father at the hands of Sargon (Randy Couture and his cauliflower ears). Helping him are the equally pretty Layla (Karen David) and a very knowledgeable Greek poet, Aristophanes (Simon Quarterman). The trio also manage to pick up a disposable band of mercenaries and a travelling Chinese acrobat. The story is based around Greek myths and reminded me of Jason and the Argonauts. The group fight a Minotaur (a guy in a rubber suit worthy of the Power Rangers), travel to the Underworld, fight the evil goddess Astarte, steal the Sword of Damocles, and finally fight a giant, invisible CGI scorpion (I kid you not).

This film is terrible, but noone in it seems to care, and I didn’t either. It was a lot more fun to watch than most other serious adventure films. And a lot more fun than pretentious bore quests like Lord of The Rings. The best line comes from Aristophanes in the DVD extras – “By the testicles of Zeus, it’s a giant scorpion”.