Mister J's Top 5 of 2009

Well, another year is almost over... so without further ado, here's my top 5 for the year...

5. Dead Snow - Sam Raimi meets sensible Scandinavian knitwear. Subtitles for the "arty" crowd, and Nazi zombies fighting guys with chainsaws and axes for the less discerning amongst us. Remember, If you are in the mountains of Norway and you find a box of WW2 German trinkets and gold, don't touch them, otherwise zombie Nazis will hunt you down and kill you.

4. Movies on the Sci-Fi Channel - They all are so wonderful, it's hard to pick a favourite, but I'd imagine Aztec Rex ( which stars Steve Sanders from Beverley Hills 90210 as the Spanish explorer Cortez arriving in Mexico to find the locals worshiping a t-rex from their badly designed 3 foot-tall concrete altars ) is going to be hard to top.

3. New Zealand's Next Top Model - It may be the accents ( and the "butchinuss" ), it may be the low budgets ( I think African nations have Top Model shows with higher budgets ), it may be the hosts ( who appear the only people in the NZ fashion world who actually do NO work )... but watching these girls, fresh off the farm, mangling vowels, and bitching about their jandals fast became this years guilty pleasure.

2. Hulk Hogan's press conference - The press conference for Hulk Hogan's Australian tour was a thing of media manipulation and beauty. Hogan and his adversary face off, with Ric Flair belittling and bloodying the elephantine Hogan. The media goes into a frenzy covering it, giving it much time and space, as they try to wittily doubt its believability. Unfortunately, Hogan himself dampens the mood for us all by later saying that he hadn't meant to fall off the stage, and how much that hurt... condemning all of us who had the tickets to the show, with the knowledge, he wasn't leaving his feet again ( even for a crap ) for the remainder of his stay in the country.

1. Amy Winehouse and her breast augmentation - There are many things in this world Amy Winehouse did not need more of this year... alcohol, drugs, hair, controversy... boobs... but, like the trooper she is, in 2009, the divine Miss W decided to have more of all of these things anyway. Don't you just love her??