Princess Of Mars (2009)

It’s taken a long time for Edgar Rice Burroughs’ classic SF adventure tale to make it to the screen, and The Asylum make it there first (albeit unofficially) with their updated interpretation.

Antonio Sabato Jr (Destination Infestation, The Bold And The Beautiful) plays John Carter, a soldier who finds himself on Mars dealing with humanoids, including Traci Lords (Blade, New Wave Hookers) as the Princess of Mars herself, Dejah Thoris, and non-humanoids, including Matt Lasky (Doomsday, InAlienable) as Tars Tarkas. Carter, is captured, interrogated, escapes, fights, and generally kicks Martian butt. Burroughs story has been the inspiration for many other stories over the nearly 100 years since it first appeared, including Conan and Star Wars. You can see elements of both of those in this production, and maybe even a little of Avatar.

I can’t legitimately say Princess Of Mars is great, or even good, but how can you not like the idea and the audacity for making it? It’s lowbrow fun, and it has Traci Lords. It just needed more action.