28 October 2008

Post-apocalyptic futures

The world economy is collapsing, the polar ice caps are melting, Madonna is undertaking another tour, and New Kids On The Block have a new album. Satan has truly taken human form and is now walking the Earth. The end is nigh, but perhaps, not nigh enough. And that makes us wonder, what are our possible futures?

Hell Comes To Frogtown (1987)
In a ravaged, future earth, Roddy Piper (a Canadian Scottish wrestler) is potent, and the government wants him to impregnate some fertile women held captive by frog people. Girls and guns and people in bad masks. It is as gloriously mad as it sounds.

A Boy And His Dog (1974)
Vic (Don Johnson from Miami Vice in pre-pastel colours) roams the future wasteland with his telepathic dog Blood (the always versatile Tiger from the Brady Bunch) looking for food and women. This prediction of the world, courtesy of Harlan Ellison, would be later recycled for Mad Max. An interesting premise with a killer ending.

1990 The Bronx Warriors (1982)
New York’s Northernmost borough, the Bronx, is a gang controlled No Man’s Land ( not a bad prediction as far as these things go ) where Hammer (Vic Morrow) is sent to rescue a poor little rich girl. Kind of like the Born Losers meets Escape From New York, but funnier... and Italian.

Southland Tales (2006)
Long, confusing, self-indulgent, and dull post-apocalyptic, time travel story by the writer and director of Donny Darko, Richard Kelly. Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson,as an amnesiac movie star,and Sarah Michelle Gellar,as a self promoting porn star,can do nothing to save this film. Bring on the end of the world we say, it will undoubtedly be less painful than sitting through this again.

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