Abominable ( 2006 )

If ever there was a more accurately named film than "Abominable", then I would be very surprised.

Although Bigfoot has had a long and illustrious career in Hollywood ( 6 million dollar man, and bigfoot & wild boy to name but two ), even he must've had qualms about lending his hairy visage to this cinematic travesty.

Matt McCoy ( who played Commandant Lassard's nephew in the Police Academy films after Steve Guttenberg had enough... and seriously, what does it say about your film when even Guttenberg says "no" ? ) returns to his home in the woods for the first time after a tumble off the perhaps foreshadowingly named "suicide peak", left his wife dead and him confined to wheelchair. From there, the film enters what could only be described as Rear Window meets Harry and the Hendersons territory, when Bigfoot shows up and starts murdering the nubile co-eds that have naturally moved in next door... all as poor Matt looks on.

Some reviewers kinder than me, have praised this films "claustrophobic use of space", its "hitchcock-esque feeling of dread", and its "quick pace"... personally, I think they're just trying to find a roundabout way to say its the kind of film that would have Alfred spinning in his grave fast enough that you could sharpen your knife on him.

The shower scene is a nice momentary distraction, but the last time I saw a moon that pale and voluminous, the Wolfman was howling below it.

After making films like this it's no wonder that the Sasquatch's appearances in public have dwindled of late. Too ashamed to show his furry face no doubt.