44 Inch Chest

Wacky Races

Wacky Races was an animated television series produced by Hanna-Barbera Productions. The series featured 11 different cars racing against each other in various road rallies, with each driver hoping to win the title of the "World's Wackiest Racer." Wacky Races ran on CBS from September 14, 1968 to January 4, 1969. Seventeen episodes were produced, with each episode featuring two different races, for a total of 34 races in all.

Now I don't mean to imply that all our readers are the same age as Sebastian, and can remember these things when they first ran ( he can note seeing Halleys comet on at least 3 separate occasions, and the last time he was stopped by a traffic cop and asked for ID, he pulled out a rock )... but surely you've caught it in re-run, or on Cartoon Network. Certainly it has always been a favourite here at DVD Purgatory.

The love of motorsports can start at a young age for many racing fans, and countless enthusiasts owe their obsession to this wondeful cartoon. The 60's-era animated series featured all manner of characters competing wheel to cartoon wheel in the most hilarious automotive concoctions ever rendered on celluloid. But what has remained for decades as the objects of childhood fantasy, now actually exist in real life, and have taken to the streets of Chichester in West Sussex, England, ahead of their annual, real-life racing at the upcoming Goodwood Festival of Speed. All I can say, is "amazing".

Why it's almost enough to make me go all Corey Haim and get my own license to drive... almost.

Criswell

I don't care what anyone says... any cartoon that can reference Criswell, Space 1999, Back to the Future, and Archie 3000 , is a good cartoon.

Barry McKenzie

Power Rangers

It's true... I haven't tried to hide it exactly, but the truth is out there now. My name is mister J, and I am a Power Rangers fan... sob...

Year One (2009)

Jack Black (Nacho Libre, Tropic Thunder) and Michael Cera (Juno, Arrested Development) are cavemen who leave their tribe and experience various adventures from the Old Testament (Cain and Abel, Sodom and Gomorrah, etc).

As Jack Black comedies go, it’s okay. As genuinely funny movies go, it’s not.

The Final (2010)

There are a few basic story lines for movies that are recycled again, and again, and again. One is about students who are victimised but eventually retaliate and exact their revenge. Massacre At Central High, Carrie, Revenge Of The Nerds, and Heathers are just a few films to follow this formula.

In The Final, a bunch of outcasts drug the punch at a costume party and then torture and disfigure the beautiful people who have harassed them. “Why are you doing this to me”, asks a jock. That just happens to be the question the nerds, geeks, and abused have asked many times.

The Final is a nice entry in to the series, complete with a well paced script, solid acting, and creative costuming. So many of the teen horror movies that come out now rely on jokes, one liners, and excessive gore. I'm not opposed to that, I just tire of the lack of imagination that goes in to many of them. The Final takes a more serious approach and treats the subject with respect, and that is refreshing.

The Land That Time Forgot (aka Dinosaur Island) (2009)

C Thomas Howell (The Outsiders, Red Dawn, The Day The Earth Stopped, Mutant Vampire Zombies from the 'Hood!) heads out on a three hour cruise and finds himself shipwrecked in the Bermuda Triangle on an island with dinosaurs (left over from 100 Million BC) and the survivors of a WW2 U-Boat.

The Asylum did an okay job adapting Edgar Rice Burroughs’ Princess Of Mars and I wish they had done a little better here. The film doesn’t so much insult your intelligence as ignore it.

This was previously made in 1975 and starred the effervescent Doug McClure. Strangely, the effects were better then.

Alphabet Killer ( 2009 )

From 1970 to 1973, three girls in and around Rochester, New York were brutally raped and strangled, their bodies dumped in neighbouring villages. The girls' first and last name started with the same letter, as did the first letter of the respective villages they were dumped in. But having only committed three murders, this whole thing, rather than being yet another serial killer, could just as easily been one big coincidence.

The Alphabet Killer is one of those based on a true-story flicks that shouldn’t have been based on a true story because the actual outcome neutered the entire story. And in fact, by including psychics, fictional characters, and Cary Elwes in it, you might as well have just said "this film is filmed in bollock-o-vision" instead. Writer Tom Malloy developed the script with the help of a homicide investigator who had worked on the original case. The writer noted that he saw the film as a cross between A Beautiful Mind and Zodiac. He would've had to have noted this, as it is certainly not a comparison anyone who actually watched the film would've made.

Detective Megan Paige (Eliza Dusku) finds herself obsessed when a child-rape murder occurs. Her obsession turns into full-blown schizophrenia, and she’s taken off the case, and demoted to a desk-job. When another murder turns up two years later, she is put back on the case and she hopes this time to catch the murderer and finally put her inner demons to rest ( I understand that its some sort of deal now that if you catch a serial killer, you get a schizophrenia get out of hospital free card ).

But perhaps I am making this film sound like a solid detective/serial killer/murder mystery, but Eliza Dushku is no Clarice Starling, and the convoluted story tries too hard to create drama and tension from an unsolved true-event. Like the original investigation, the film meanders, is confused, and lacks any urgency. It also lacks much of any gore or violence, and rises only above a PG-13 rating with a fleeting inclusion of Eliza Dushku's usually well-hidden breasts. The 1 second topless scene in this film ( included here, so you don't have to sit through this thing like I did ), like much of this film, is completely pointless... Likely it was just added because the film is so bloody awful, they were in desperate need to give ANYONE a reason to check them... er... it out.

Overall I could not recommend this film on any level. They say many serial killers continue to commit crimes in order to draw your attention, to be on tv, in the papers... to be noticed. Do yourself a favour and don't fall into the same trap with this film. Look the other way, and forget it ever existed.

Blindness ( 2008 )

Blindness is a film based on Jose Saramago's award winning novel of the same name.

It is a parable of sorts dealing with both society and its inevitable breakdown, in the wake of a never explained outbreak of a disease of sorts, that leaves anyone infected, blind... as well my inability to really understand what parables are supposed to be. The afflicted are rounded up and imprisoned, left, for all intents and purposes to fend for themselves... and much like Australian politics if the media or the public was removed, chaos soon reigns.

Visually amazing, at times harrowing and beautiful, the film tracks human nature ( not the band ) once all the confines of "society" are removed. Many films have tried similar things in the past, but very few have done it in such a memorable, unique, and eerily beautiful way.

Julianne Moore and the cinematography both shine, sometimes quite literally under the bright white lights to bely the diminishing sight of the characters clouded with this sudden affliction; an expanse of dazzling white, described as though they are "swimming in milk".

Blindness may not always be easy going, and may not give a good view of human nature... but your eyesight could be put to worse uses than checking out this bleak gem.

Transmorphers: Fall Of Man (2009)

The Asylum make a prequel to their film Transmorphers and, besides the robots in disguise element, keep the plot different from the similarly named Transformers Revenge Of The Fallen that they are clearly and deliberately ripping off.

A series of deaths leads to the revelation that most technology on Earth is based on reverse engineering what was found on an alien spaceship that crashed in Roswell. Innocent machines (eg telephones) start killing people and that heralds an invasion of robots from space. It is up to Bruce Boxleitner (Babylon 5, Chuck, Heroes), his niece’s boyfriend, Shane Van Dyke (who is also the writer), and a female scientist, Jennifer Rubin (Road Kill, Screamers), to save the planet.

Fall Of Man has a cheesy start, thanks mainly to Bruce Boxleitner’s presence, and there is the expected ridiculous dialogue, questionable acting, and appalling effects, but the story never gains momentum. Transmorphers managed to create a sense of urgency and tension (even if it wasn’t much) while the prequel does neither. Certainly not the worse film out there, and it’s much better than Transformers Revenge of The Fallen, but it could have been much more.

Riverworld (2010)

I thought the 2003 version of Riverworld by the Syfy Channel was a travesty, but their latest interpretation makes the first version look like a work of genius.

The script is a mess, with little to do with the books, the acting is deficient, one dimensional Tahmoh Penikett (Battlestar Galactica, Dollhouse) does not have enough talent for a lead role, and the direction is cringe worthy. The characters of Samuel Clemens and Youseff provide the only glimmer of entertainment. Not even the addition a cute female samurai to the story can save it.

The Dead Outside (2008)

I didn’t think it was possible to make a virus/zombie film as bad as this. And I certainly didn’t think the British would be the ones to do it. Avoid it like the plague.

Resident Evil Degeneration (aka Biohazard Degeneration) (2008)

The Resident Evil series continues without Milla Jovovich or, in fact, any people at all.

The T-Virus is unleashed at an airport, but luckily the clean up crew is near by and the contamination is contained, but the story doesn’t stop there. The G-Virus is dispensed to allow for more death and violence.

This animated entry in to the series (more connected to the games than the movies) is okay. The female leads are tough, but the male lead is the weird Japanese interpretation of how a hero looks (ie he doesn’t look like Bruce Willis, he looks more like he is in a pop band). The underlying premise of a government and business conspiracy is decent. My main complaint is the length of time fighting the big monster. That is a little too much like playing the video game.

The Cell 2 (2009)

I don’t remember much about The Cell (2000). I hope to remember even less about the sequel.

Highwaymen (2004)

Every so often I find a film that I missed when it was released. This week it was Highwaymen, directed by Robert Harmon who directed The Hitcher, but nothing of any note since. One of the writers, Hans Bauer, did do Anaconda and Anacondas The Hunt for the Blood Orchid, which may or may not be a recommendation.

Jim Caviezel (The Prisoner, Deja Vu) sees his girlfriend deliberately run down by a Cadillac. The film jumps forward 5 years and Caviezel is now cruising the highways in his muscle car looking for the Cadillac and its driver, Colm Feore (The Chronicles Of Riddick, Paycheck). Caviezel comes to the aid of Rhona Mitra (Underworld Rise of the Lycans, Doomsday, Skinwalkers), who also lost someone to the Cadillac and is now a target herself.

Highwayman has a Duel feel to it, as Mitra is stalked by the Cadillac, then it goes Mad Max as Caviezel arrives to play revenge seeking saviour. The film is interesting and dumb at the same time. The story of what happened between Caviezel and Feore in the missing 5 years was clever, but sadly the other parts of the film are not so clever, although the car crashes are nice (the fake people they hit are not so convincing). Mitra, who does so well in action films, spends most of the film as the damsel in distress. The film is okay, thanks to the actors and direction, and a little like a new version of Death Car On The Freeway.

Avatar (2009)

An evil, interplanetary corporation wants to mine land that is occupied, and considered sacred, by the indigenous race. Big business has the ruthless military on their side, and only the scientists (playing the good guys for a change) have a problem with killing the locals.

Writer / director James Cameron shows the imagination of a 13 year old boy in creating this juvenile, predictable, cliched, and utterly manipulative film. The film starts poorly with a Planet called Pandora (so you know they are going to open a box of trouble there) where they are mining “Unobtainium” which, although being a real word, is perhaps the most ridiculous element in a movie since “flubber”.

Cameron tries to make the natives, Na’vi, likeable, but they end up as annoying and one dimensional as the humans. I kept expecting Sting to turn up and try to save them like he did the occupants of the Amazon rainforest.

I am not sure what we are to think of Sam Worthington’s character, Sully. First he sells out the Na’vi, then forgets he has done that and spends so much time flirting with the local sexpot, Neytiri (Zoe Saldana), that he does nothing to prevent their slaughter. In an effort for redemption, he organizes an assault on the humans which is one of the most appalling pieces of military strategy ever. Not surprisingly, the Na’vi are slaughtered again before the foreseeable retribution arrives.

All the gunplay comes as no surprise for those familiar with Cameron’s work. The violence in Cameron’s first hit, The Terminator, was not excessive because Cameron had a good story which he stole (originally uncredited) from Harlan Ellison. In the sequel ,where he had to rely on his own ideas, he added a lot more fighting. That was how he handled the sequels to Rambo and Alien. Cameron likes to adds lots of shooting in the absence of plot. Avatar follows that formula.

As a friend of mine said, “It’s Dances With Wolves in space”. The 3D imagery is impressive and Michelle Rodriguez (Fast & Furious , The Breed, Resident Evil) is wonderful in the small amount of screen time she is given. Neither is enough reason to watch this overblown embarrassment to science fiction.

An Inconvenient Truth (2006)