Monkeys

The Indians dont know what they're playing with because likely they saw some sort of Bollywood version of Planet of the Apes where everyone just dances and sings... forgive them, they know not what they do.

District 9 (2009)

Aliens land on earth and, rather than landing in Washington or Moscow and going on a global rampage (eg Earth vs the Flying Saucers, Independence Day) or spreading their message (V, The Day the Earth Stood Still), they become stranded in South Africa. The aliens aren’t assimilated into society (eg Alien Nation, Third Rock from the Sun) but herded into a slum where they become bottom of the social hierarchy.

This is the kind of science fiction film we don’t see enough of – original and thought provoking. District 9 succeeds because of its intriguing premise, a clever and socially aware script, and effects, despite the fact it has less of a budget than a trip to the hairdresser by james Cameron.

Brilliant.

Abominable ( 2006 )

If ever there was a more accurately named film than "Abominable", then I would be very surprised.

Although Bigfoot has had a long and illustrious career in Hollywood ( 6 million dollar man, and bigfoot & wild boy to name but two ), even he must've had qualms about lending his hairy visage to this cinematic travesty.

Matt McCoy ( who played Commandant Lassard's nephew in the Police Academy films after Steve Guttenberg had enough... and seriously, what does it say about your film when even Guttenberg says "no" ? ) returns to his home in the woods for the first time after a tumble off the perhaps foreshadowingly named "suicide peak", left his wife dead and him confined to wheelchair. From there, the film enters what could only be described as Rear Window meets Harry and the Hendersons territory, when Bigfoot shows up and starts murdering the nubile co-eds that have naturally moved in next door... all as poor Matt looks on.

Some reviewers kinder than me, have praised this films "claustrophobic use of space", its "hitchcock-esque feeling of dread", and its "quick pace"... personally, I think they're just trying to find a roundabout way to say its the kind of film that would have Alfred spinning in his grave fast enough that you could sharpen your knife on him.

The shower scene is a nice momentary distraction, but the last time I saw a moon that pale and voluminous, the Wolfman was howling below it.

After making films like this it's no wonder that the Sasquatch's appearances in public have dwindled of late. Too ashamed to show his furry face no doubt.

The Runaways (2010)

The Runaways are bigger now than they have ever been. That’s good for some (mainly Joan Jett who owns the rights to the music) and not so good for others (those members of the band who can’t capitalise on the increased fan base).

This film is based on the book by singer, Cherie Currie, and guitarist Joan Jett is executive producer. That gives the film credibility but also means the film may be a little biased in its representation of the facts. Currie (Dakota Fanning – Twilight New Moon, Push), Jett (Kristen Stewart – Twilight, Jumper) and, to a lesser extent, the band’s manager, Kim Fowley (Michael Shannon – Bug, Dead Birds) are the focus of the film. Drummer Sandy West and guitarist Lita Ford are virtually ignored, while Jackie Fox had her name excluded from the film and the replacement bassist is known as Robin (played by Alia Martine – Whip It, Arrested Development).

The Runaways is a glossy version of band’s story, and most of the unpleasant events in the group’s tumultuous career are ignored and replaced by a girl’s own adventure. Jett comes across as a flawless demigod, Currie as an innocent girl gone wild, and Fowley as a not too slimy manipulator. The movie may be sanitised view of these revolutionary musicians, but Stewart and Fanning are convincing, there is a general air of fun and excitement, and the costumes and music are wonderful. If you want to know more of what went on, there is always Edgeplay for a more intimate look at the drugs and bickering and abuse. If you just want a good time, then stay with The Runaways.

Barbara Windsor

Strangely, even watching the Carry On films... I never really found Barbara that attractive. In Eastenders, it would be safe to say that generally, she annoyed me a lot... In fact, that would probably be an understatement. Yet now that she's leaving, I actually find it a little sad. Sigh... I'm so fickle.
"We didn't get a lot of money and we did always seem to be doing outside shots in winter but it paid the mortgage and I loved it." - On her Carry On movies